Dumb and the People Who Should Have Kept Their Opinions to Themselves

You ever notice how some folks have more opinions than they do common sense? And not just a couple more—like a Costco-sized, bulk-pack surplus of them. If the old saying were true, and opinions were really like buttholes—one per person—life might be a little easier. Instead, people have a seemingly endless supply, firing them off like a malfunctioning T-shirt cannon at a minor league baseball game.

Now, I’ve never been one to shy away from a good conversation, even a heated debate. A little back and forth keeps the mind sharp. But there’s a special kind of dumb that comes with unsolicited opinions, the ones nobody asked for and nobody needed. The ones that don’t just miss the mark but somehow manage to hit every innocent bystander on the way down. These opinions come in all flavors:

The Unqualified Expert

The Unqualified Expert – The guy who barely passed high school science but suddenly becomes a molecular biologist when vaccines are mentioned. He couldn’t explain the difference between a proton and a crouton, yet here he is, ready to debate the laws of physics using a Facebook meme.

The Moral Judge and Jury

The Moral Judge and Jury – These folks live in glass houses but seem to have a rock collection big enough to supply a medieval siege. They’ll condemn you for your choices, all while conveniently ignoring the fact that last weekend they were double-fisting margaritas and screaming “Free Bird” at karaoke.

The Personal Finance Guru

The Personal Finance Guru – The broke friend who somehow knows exactly what you should be doing with your money. “See, what you gotta do is invest in crypto, buy land, and start flipping houses.” Meanwhile, their credit score is lower than the temperature in Alaska.

The Backseat Driver of Life

The Backseat Driver of Life – The one who has an opinion about everything you do, even though their own life is held together with duct tape and hope. They’ll tell you where you should live, what job you should have, and why your life decisions are all wrong. Meanwhile, they still owe their cousin fifty bucks from 2009.

What makes this epidemic of opinions even dumber is that most of them aren’t even based on facts, logic, or experience. They’re just whatever thought fell out of someone’s head first, like a toddler trying to explain how the world works. And yet, we live in a world where those thoughts get thrown around like they’re gospel, forcing the rest of us to dodge them like landmines.

Now, I’m not saying all opinions are bad. Some are worth listening to. Some are insightful. Some are even life-changing. But the ones that come unsolicited, uninformed, and straight-up unnecessary? Those are the real plague. And if there’s one thing Dumb and the Impossible Journey to Achieve It has taught me, it’s that the dumbest opinions aren’t just the ones that make no sense—they’re the ones people feel the most confident about.

So, what’s the moral of this story? If you’re about to give an opinion and nobody asked for it, maybe take a second and ask yourself: “Is this gonna help, or am I just making the world dumber?” Because at the end of the day, we all already have one butthole, and we don’t need any more.